I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
