If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
