So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
