I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
not ubering you a puppy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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