Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
