I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
