WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
