I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
