did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
