After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
