I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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