after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
