The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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