i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
