Quick, to the slutcave!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
