I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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