I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
