he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
