dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
