A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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