you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
