what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
