Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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