I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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