Non-Jews are for practice
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
