omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
