She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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