You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
