I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
