Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
