party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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