I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
