I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
