I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
