yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your penis caused this!
I woke up under a house in Key West
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
