So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
