I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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