guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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