Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
