Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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