So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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