i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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