My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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