I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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