I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
