there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
