I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
