he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize