yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
