Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I smell stomach acid.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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