dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
