I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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