i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
